i was about to break free,
But i failed,so i dwell.
In an intrinsic insulation
Of my ultimate contradiction,
Trying to escape into the imagination.
It didn’t work out through,
Cuz i drowned into the emancipation,
Which i thought it was.
Oscillating to wander about
And i wonder what the snow was trying to tell.
Everything i wished to happen but they did not.
Tell me the truth, i asked myself.
It’s nothing to you but all my fervent dreams are about.
Why it has to be so wary to tell?
Because honestly, it’s scary to dwell.
Without escapism, i turned so dull.
Am i making sense to you now?
Hopefully not,
So i again fool you all.
It’s nothing personal, it’s not your fault.
How come we came to this stage?
What if i’ve already been too indulged?
Whereas you’d not care,
Cuz genuinely, it is not your fault.
…
No elucidations,
No accusations,
i merely love you,
And may you be free everywhere,
Without me to bother,
Because i’ll set you free,
By plunging into the perpetual winter,
Carrying a genuine smile with dripping water.
Normally i dont really write this kind of shit because soaking myself into the sheer emotion somehow embarrassed myself deeply, because emotion is only an illusion caused by the chemistry of your neurons, i mean, fine, i understand that your love goes to waste would turn you grumpy and gloomy but there are simply way too many things which are far more worthwhile to be kept in mind. People come and people go, losing is gaining, another turning to a brand new beginning. Whereas i just realized my all time solace has never made me feel the human ‘happiness’ since i’ve been staggered and strayed my entire life, searching for the so called greatness until the intuition brought me to this art school.
Meeting and mingling with those people who seemed to be distinguished to me somehow guided me to appreciate this life in a way i had never done before. i always have been so shamed of myself from head to toes, yet here, i weep to feel that i deserve this life as anyone else, and for that, i’m grateful.
——————————————————
Probably cant keep this blog updated til i get back from Scotland,
So, merry Christmas in advance.
